I began to tell a little about myself in my first blog post http://www.chrissieonline.com/turning-point/ and now continue the story.
During my periods of deep depression I become almost a recluse, managing only to go out to work and rush home to my “safe place” to completely collapse. People might think that I’m being rude by not wanting to participate in social events. I even avoid people when I take my dog for a walk, not wishing to let people in. It’s not rudeness; I simply cannot cope and would embarrass everyone by crying constantly. Talking to people is almost impossible at times like this.It is impossible for me to hide my pain and I don’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable. I don’t have the vocabulary to articulate how I feel and not only can I not talk it through in order to help, I really cannot imagine that it might help.
This is how I manage when on anti-depressants and without them I know, for sure, that I would not be here, at all.
It’s odd that people who have never been wealthy imagine that having lots of money would be the answer to their prayers. It’s not. I’ve been very wealthy, having a huge house in an exclusive area, seven car garage filled with a Rolls Royce, Aston Martin, Maserati etc. I could spend as much money as I wanted on myself – though I didn’t feel the need because I knew even then that it wouldn’t help ease my pain. My husband spent $1000 on clothes for himself an then weeks later would give them away to “fair-weather friends”. The one thing it did bring was the opportunity to provide my children with the best education and for that I will always be grateful.
Intellectually, I knew that I had a wonderful life, but inside I was dying with pain and enormous self-doubt.
I think that it’s because I suffer depression that I can recognize the signs in others and read between the lines. Occasionally, I will see something someone posts on social media and respond privately to the author, wanting to reach out and help. I can manage this, in writing, but not in person.
I have seen the power on just one simple post can make to the path of someones life. This connection is so powerful. This why we should all reach out and help each other. We can all make a difference even in the smallest ways.
These and other positive approaches are what I’m learning through Beyond Freedom which is a part of the Polaris Global learning system.